The One Time I Quit Something

I am a volunteer on my neighborhood’s homeowner association (HOA). In case you are not familiar with the concept of an HOA, I wasn’t either until I moved to the southeastern US. Essentially, it’s a residential subdivision with a set of rules that property owners must abide by. It can be a condo or apartment complex, but it can also consist of single-family homes. Some people who have experienced living in an HOA, seem to have strong opinions about its merits (or lack thereof). Either: A. “I like the rules that govern this community. The rules help to keep it looking nice and it’s why I bought property here.

OR

B. “I dislike the rules that govern this community. The rules restrict me from doing what I want on my private property.

This phenomenon is no different from any other polarizing topic. Thanks to social media, it seems like every topic is a polarizing one these days. Despite how easy it is to give and receive one’s opinion online, I truly believe that, with very few exceptions, people, no matter how different they are, want to be a part of a community in which they feel safe and included.

My role as an HOA volunteer is to bring people with different life experiences together and help them understand how they contribute to the common good. I might agree or disagree with someone’s point of view, but if we can leverage those differences to achieve a positive outcome for the community as a whole, we are winning.

I didn’t always see it that way. Confrontation makes me nervous and, thanks to my 20 years of experience in customer service, I strive to make people happy. As I began to take on more responsibility as a volunteer, I was exposed to more people and more opinions. Considering this was something I did in my free time, it began to feel like a lot of pressure and stress. If another volunteer’s tenure came to an end, the duties had to be divided among the others. Most HOA’s operate as a non-profit, so there are limited funds and resources available. What started out as a hobby a few hours a month, led to an elected board position and committee chairman role, requiring a few hours per week. After about ten months in, I was on vacation with family when two board members had a disagreement. The emails began to come fast and furious expressing their frustration with each other. I can’t recall if one of them told the other that they were being removed from their position or if the board member stepped down by choice, but either way, I felt that the responsibility was about to fall to me and I was not prepared to handle it, nor did I want the subsequent drama to infringe on my family vacation. So I chimed into the flurry of messages and submitted my resignation from the board.

This moment is significant to me because it is the first time that I quit something. I finished school, college and post-graduate studies back-to-back and I have worked for the same company for 20 years. I have been married for 18 years to a man I met 24 years ago. I have been a part of sports teams, book clubs, gyms and community projects that ran their course, but I never quit part-way through. I almost transferred colleges during my undergraduate years, but nope, I stayed. Change means risk and my appetite for risk is low.

No sooner had I sent the email, I became very uneasy about my decision to quit the board. There was work to be done and I enjoyed the work. Why would I let a disagreement between others influence how I responded? Just because I didn’t like how people were acting on the playground, was I just going to take my ball and go home?

When I returned from vacation a few days later, I emailed the HOA president and asked if I could get back on the board. This was pretty humbling because I couldn’t just “get back on.” I had to be re-elected by the exact group of people that I just resigned from. I am very grateful that the majority extended such grace and welcomed me back.

Since that time, I reflect often on my impetuous decision to quit. I don't regret it, in fact, I am grateful that it provided me with a mature perspective. I don't plan to ever "quit" again. I hope that I will keep learning and growing in wisdom so that I know when my work is complete and it's time to move on to something new. I am a part of something bigger than myself, we all are. It is not possible to grow if we are only willing to extend ourselves to the reaches of our own egos. There are opportunities for learning, collaborating and improving ourselves and our community if only we push ourselves a little bit further than we think possible.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” - Philippians 2:3